.:* ® ª | s ø ñ . Ð ' è t r ë ¹ *:.

Sunday, June 29, 2003

i'm so dead lors.. sch reopens in lyk, 15+hrs?! haiz.. stupid CTs.. prepared to fail everything.. din do much studying for the entire hols.. it's more lyk training, eat, slp, training, eat, slp.. haiz.. i dun hope for alot lah.. i just wan to PASS!!!! arghs.. better go try get sth into my brain b4 i really screw up my papers tmr..

random thoughts at 1:46:00 AM

Saturday, June 28, 2003

ICE is your chinese symbol!

What Chinese Symbol Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

SPIRIT is your chinese symbol!

What Chinese Symbol Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

cldnt decide between some of the answers.. if i switch them, i get dis 2 diff results.. yup.. think both r quite ME.. hahaz :)

random thoughts at 2:26:00 AM

Friday, June 27, 2003

went to watch Chalie's Angels Full Throttle just now! damn nice!! i strongly recommend it. hahaz.. lyk it alotalotalot better than the other movies i'v watched recently.. sigh.. vvv nice lor!! diaz is damn chio! haha.. so farny.. just remembered dat during the chalet, sofia and the rest were talking abt who r the top 5 guys in canoeing.. tammy's answer was damn cute.. "adrian, adrian, adrian, daniel wuu, daniel wuu" hahaz.. i was lying on the bed den they all tot i was slping.. thank god.. cos i wld'v said kw.. haha.. none of them who answered mentioned him lor.. hahaz.. but aiyah.. i dunno lah.. think i'm biased towards him.. so yah lor.. hahaha.. -shrugs-

random thoughts at 9:48:00 AM

Saturday, June 21, 2003

Blue Eyes

What Color Eyes Should You Have?
brought to you by Quizilla

random thoughts at 10:26:00 AM

haiz.. i really dunno wad to think lor. usually when i msg him online, he doesn reply cos he's either away or playing games or sth lidat. so i decided not to msg him lah and then he comes and msg me. at 1st i din reply cos there wasnt much to say den he msg again and ask y i nv reply.. we talked abit and it felt lyk everything was back to normal again lor.. den later he called me to ask me wad i bought for him for his bday. haha.. told him i did buy sth but decided to keep it for myself. din tell him wad i bought so he says he's damn curious to noe wad it is. but too bad, i dun plan to tell him. he also told me to slp early.. anw the pt is, the fact dat he came to talk to me and called me made me v happy lor.. dis is not healthy! haiz.. it's making me start hoping again lor.. today during training, i also noticed dat he keeps luking at me. also dunno wad he's thinking lah.. haiz.. shd i hope or shd i not? i really dunno..

random thoughts at 10:23:00 AM

Friday, June 20, 2003

How can you see into my eyes
like open doors
leading you down into my core
where I've become so numb?
Without a soul;
my spirit's sleeping somewhere cold,
until you find it there and lead it back home.

(Wake me up.)
Wake me up inside.
(I can't wake up.)
Wake me up inside.
(Save me. )
Call my name and save me from the dark.
(Wake me up. )
Bid my blood to run.
(I can't wake up. )
Before I come undone.
(Save me. )
Save me from the nothing I've become.

Now that I know what I'm without
you can't just leave me.
Breathe into me and make me real.
Bring me to life.
[Chorus]
Bring me to life.
I've been living a lie/There's nothing inside.
Bring me to life.

Frozen inside without your touch,
without your love, darling.
Only you are the life among the dead.

All of this sight
I can't believe I couldn't see
Kept in the dark
but you were there in front of me
I've been sleeping a 1000 years it seems.
I've got to open my eyes to everything.
Without a thought
Without a voice
Without a soul
Don't let me die here/There must be something more.
Bring me to life.

[Chorus]
Bring me to life.
I've been living a lie/There's nothing inside.
Bring me to life

Bring Me Back To Life - Evanescence

random thoughts at 1:28:00 AM

Thursday, June 19, 2003

i'm feeling q angry with myself now. haiz.. i think mayb the sadness is finally sinking in. i cant stop thinking of him lor.. just now i took a nap and in the entire dream, he kept popping out! when i woke up, i was lyk shaking my head and tot "i'm going crazy!" everything i do, i'll think abt him.. think abt the things he say, the things he did, his face, everything! arghs.. dis totallytotally sux to the max

random thoughts at 8:45:00 PM

wah laus.. damn sian lor! i'm lyk getting fatter and fatter.. so disgusted with myself.. decided to fast for the whole day tmr.. must only drink water! i'm determined to get back below 50! hrmph.. anw, i must really try to get some studying done liao man.. haiz.. but just cant find the motivation. wish i can just stop studying sometimes.. haiz.. dis sux

random thoughts at 7:03:00 AM

Wednesday, June 18, 2003

hahaz.. his bday today and just lyk all other guys, he got poled. hahaha.. only diff is dat he got tree-ed instead of getting poled. haha.. canoeing tradition.. hm.. anw, pple kept asking y i din go out with him. haha.. had to explain to them dat there's nth going on btw us. (yah, to alexis and beat. din haf chance to tell u all, so now u noe. hahaz) i still find it weird dat i'm not sad. hahaz.. disappointed, yes. definitely. but not sad. haha.. dunno y leh. but the overriding emotion is relief! guess i'm just happy dat everything's settled even though the conclusion isnt wad i wld haf liked. but yup.. things r better lidat lah. at least i dun haf sleepless nites anymore. hahaz

den.. abt daniel.. q spastic. he kept asking me to watch the hulk with him today! madness.. told him i'm nv planned to watch it but he kept insisting dat it's q a gd movie to catch. but i still go watch it lah. it luks kinda fake lor. dun think i'll appreciate it anw.. i dun really noe wad he wans with me lah, but i think he's nice and stuff lor. not really my type though.. -shrugs- anw, michelle told me i can either move on or hang in there.. told her i dun think there's much hope to hang on to. hahaz.. i'll move on lah. but i dunno how long it'll take. i dunno leh.. still dun feel sad. it's really damn weird cos i think i'm supposed to feel sad dat everything ended b4 it even started, rite? but then again, i'm glad cos i dowan to feel sad. hahahaz

random thoughts at 6:49:00 AM

Sunday, June 15, 2003

you are the "I hate you so bad" happy
bunny. You hate everyone and eveything and your
not ashamed of it.

which happy bunny are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

random thoughts at 7:38:00 PM

said sth to him last nite and i'm really starting to regret having said dat. i dunno lah. guess i just cldnt take it anymore lor. feel worse and worse everyday. it's not fun having to wait and wait and wait when u dun really noe wad u'r waiting for. anw, i said i wun go talk to him if he dun come talk to me, which is q stupid cos i think he's the kind who wun come talk to me unless i go talk to him. so basically, i may haf just killed wadeva chance there was for us to get sth going. but nvm lah. i'm determined not to regret anything. just hafta keep telling myself dat i'll find sum1 better.. or rather, i'll find sum1 else dat i'll lyk more than i lyk him. haha :)

random thoughts at 7:25:00 PM

i feel lyk i'm caught in a vicious cycle.. i either keep feeling happy, sad, or frustrated. den it keeps going arnd dis 3 emotions.. kinda sian liaos. i really dunno wad he's thinking so i haf totally no idea wad he wans lor.. talked to michelle twice. once on saturday and once today. felt dat the talk was q nice. got to noe how each other thinks.. haha.. but still damn sian lah. at least she noes wad she wans. i dun. i wan to ask him wad he wans, but i'm starting to feel dat wo zai fan ta. so i'v decided not to do anything unless he does sth. yup.. sort of daoed him during training today. bleahs.. i dunno lah. just hope he makes up his mind asap lah. if nth's going to get out of all dis waiting, i'd rather noe sooner than later lor. if not it's really getting v irritating and v frustrating.

random thoughts at 6:14:00 AM

Thursday, June 12, 2003

Sunrise - You seek to learn all you can so that you
may teach the wisdom of the world to others.
You enjoy tranquility and peaceful beauty, and
like to feel at one with the world.

When are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

haha.. was hoping to get either sunrise or sunset. yup.. hahaz.. nice~*

random thoughts at 7:59:00 AM

Tuesday, June 10, 2003

hm.. just got off the fone with him.. at 1st he called me den ask me to call him back (he use starhub. so, yah.) den i was abit taken aback cos it sounded lyk he suddenly came to a conclusion and wan to tan1 pai2 with me liaos. but anw, it turned out to b dat he just wan to talk lah. it was q farny lor. i cldnt stop saying "haiya" cos i got alot of things to tell him but i just cant say them out and i cldnt stop laughing cos i kept saying "haiya".. haha.. he was lyk telling me to just say wad i wan to say.. but it's lyk, sumthings, v paiseh to say out lor!

he kept asking if i haf anything to tell him, den i kept asking if he got anything to ask me cos i seem to b always asking him alot of things but he doesnt ask me anything. so he ask me y i lyk him and dat if it's only a crush. i said i dunno y i lyk him and asked him wad's the diff between a crush and not a crush. he said a crush is lyk, u lyk dis person for 2, 3 wks den c sum1 else and think dat ur crush is actually not dat great or sth lidat lah. i told him it's not lidat lor, den he ask me y. wanted to tell him dat if he read my blog, he'll understand. but i'm not ready to let him c all dis dat i'v posted here lor.. in the end, i cldnt help it liao den asked him if he lyks me or not den he said he also dunno cos he's not sure if it's only a crush too and dat time will tell lor.. hahaz

anw, he say she doesnt even wan to luk at him and dat she told mj dat he's a jerk. wonder y.. he said he also dunno wad he did to make her think so.. yah, but anw, i was lyk telling him to go haf a talk with her den he ask me y i'm lyk telling him to go patch up with her. i said i just think it's better to get things clear lor.. yah.. hm.. o yah. he said he just nid more time lah.. think he wans to make sure dat it's really not a crush b4 deciding wad to do, so now wad i hafta do is to hope dat he doesnt think it's just a mere crush. haha.. anw the conversation was really damn farny.. hahaz.. finally can slp happily :)

random thoughts at 8:43:00 AM

damn sian. i noe i'm going to contradict myself but now i really feel v sian. he's not online.. but dat's not the main reason y i'm sian. i'm sian cos i'm afraid of wad he'll say when he comes to a decision lor. i mean, wad if it's really going to b her? cant imagine how sad i'll b.. siansiansian... i dun even noe if wedz still on or off? so shd i even continue seaching for sth to buy for him? i dunno.. shopped for lyk 8hrs yday but still cldnt decide on sth to buy lor.. and now, i dun even haf any reason to get anything for him lor. it's lyk, let's say it's daniel's bday, he's only my snr wad. wad for i buy sth for him rite? so sianzzzzz....

random thoughts at 7:22:00 AM

hm.. i asked him to tell me wad he meant exactly by wad he said yday, if she wans to make up with him and if he wans to make up with her. told him to tell me directly and go straight to the point and dat i already got xin li zhun bei.. hahaz.. he said he just dowan to rush into a relationship too quickly cos he wans sth dat will last and dat she doesnt wan to patch things up though he's not sure if he wans to or not. he also said he nids time to think. but i think the fact dat he admitted to not being sure if he wans to patch things up with her says q alot lah.. sadly

i told him i also wan sth dat will last and said i think he shd ask for a make up if he still lyks her cos i'm q sure she still lyks him. i sound lyk i'm giving him back to her with 2 hands.. but i tot over it liao lah. no pt clinging on to him if he still lyks her yah? i guess i'll just stick arnd until he comes to a conclusion lor. if he wans her, den okay lah.. wad choice do i haf but to go away rite? i noe i may not lyk his final decision lah, but i do hope he decides wad he wans soon.. dun lyk the idea dat i zi zuo duo qing. bleahs.. but i felt alot better after smsing him lah. at least i haf a better idea of wad's going on..

random thoughts at 6:51:00 AM

Monday, June 09, 2003

had alot of trouble sleeping.. when i finally got to slp, there was no dream.. it's just lyk falling into darkness. ha ha. kept waking up and the 1st thing dat came to my mind was always him. it's been lidat for the past few days though it used to b happy tots, not sad ones.. it's really getting into me lor.

when he told me he got things to tell me, i cld feel my heart beating faster and faster. i already knew wad he was going to say but i still wished it was going to b sth different..
"its like u noe i usually commit the folly of getting into a relationship too quickly..den tinks usually dun last..cos both parties will not understand each other so much den will quarrel easily..yup.."

dat's wad he said lor. i dunno if it's me, but i think (i hope) wad he meant is dat he just wans to take things slower, not to stop things totally. then again, so wad if dat's wad he meant? things wun b the same anymore lor. dun even think i wan to luk at him during trainings liaos. dunno lah.. i only noe dat i lyk him more than he lyks me. but i knew dat a long time ago. suddenly feel q happy dat the snrs r passing out q soon. den i wun hafta face him anymore and dun hafta feel so terrible..

random thoughts at 4:14:00 PM

the 1 and only thing i'v been so afraid of happened. cant say i din expect it cos i did and feared it wld happen. now it did. so, wad am i supposed to do? i'm feeling worse and worse by the second.. i haf so much to tell him but it's all jammed up inside of me. i guess things dun always go the way pple wan it to.. and i think i nid help. i cant snap out of it.

random thoughts at 7:45:00 AM

Thursday, June 05, 2003

What's your usual [mood]?

hmm.. y am i not surprised to get dis result..? hahahahahaz~*

random thoughts at 9:17:00 AM

hahaz.. i feel so xing fu lor!! told him tmr i got exco meeting at 5 den he ask if i wan him to c me home.. so nice rite?! sigh.. can feel that my face is going to get cramps soon.. hahaha.. went out with him again just now.. think he's v cute lor.. hahaz.. when we were having dinner, i suddenly tot dat he luks abit lyk a rabbit den started laughing to myself until he asked y i'm laughing.. but of cos, i din tell him the reason lah..

den rite, he's so childish noez? bot dis toy and was so happy he kept smiling happily. hahaz.. damn cute.. (i'm not toking abt the toy.) hahaha.. hm.. i STILL dunno wad to buy for him.. mayb i'll really get him a shirt and sth else since he told me he doesnt haf much home clothes.. haha.. i noe he wans to buy a bag and wallet.. but dis kind, better for him to buy himself cos he wans sth dat's "seh" and "nobody haf".. hahaz.. he asked if i wan him to carry my bag just now, but he had his own bag to carry, so i told him i dowan to luk as if wo zai nue dai ta.. hahaz.. happy enuf dat he asked lah.. :D

anw, his handwriting is damn cute also lor! it luks lyk a psch student's handwriting.. big² round² wans.. hahaz.. told him his handwriting is worse than my bro's. hahaz.. hurt my ankle cos it knocked it against sth. den he kept asking if i'm okay and if i nid to sit down. hahaz.. think he's really v nice lor.. dunno y some pple dun lyk him. but who cares lah.. bleahs!

o yah.. when i was waiting for him, dat stupid jeffrey came to talk to me but i din even bother to luk at him. luckily he got the msg and left me alone.. haha.. but i think he saw us together when we left cos he came to the grandstand to find me b4 we went off. saw yangyan and huiyu in the canteen.. i also dun care wad they think lah. she already piss me enuf liaos.. also saw daniel wuu training and weiting with her bf but not sure if they saw us.. hahaz.. kinda exciting hor.. hahaha.. q happy dat he din lyk, wan us to walk separately or sth lidat cos i dun wan to hafta hide arnd also lah.. dat'll b so tiring.. hahaz

random thoughts at 8:59:00 AM

Monday, June 02, 2003

his bday coming le! 18 june.. asked him wad he wans for his bday den he said "hmm..5 kisses..6 huges..erm shud be enuff..hahas..n 2 bucks ang pao" and later, "u wrap urself up den give to me lo.." hahaz.. feel lyk i'm dreaming man.. am i really so lucky..?! everything's really going just the way i wan it to lor!!!

random thoughts at 8:44:00 AM

omgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgOMG!!!!!! he said he lyks me!!! omg.. i'm going to die.. omg.. omg.... damn happy. i really too happy liao.. how the hell am i supposed to do my hw and study for tmr's CL test? omgomgomgomgOMG.. i think i cant slp today lor!!!! dis is lyk the happiest day of my life.. haha.. (i dunno if dat's true, but even if it's not, it's v close lah) hahahaha.. omg.. omg.. shit lah! dis time, i really smile until face cramp liaos!!!

random thoughts at 7:57:00 AM